The Black Brigade Theatrical Troupe: Shelby's Game
by Commie Sky
Summary: Shelby finds a GBA with Chain of Memories. Unless the Black Brigade Theatrical Troupe, along with Nel, can find a way to get it away from him, the world will never be the same! Authorized by Anarchy Sky.
1. Chapter 1: Time for Tea

Mafia Sky Shelby (Who was playing Chain of Memories at the time...)

Commie Sky Nel

Anarchy Sky Albel

PART THE FIRST (By Anarchy Sky)

Shelby: And...and he was still hung up on Kairi! Kairi's voice game him courage! AHH! He got him in the head. Except I don't have any magic cards! STOP WRITING! I hate you...

Albel: Okay, seriously now. Story.

Nel: (LAUGHTER. JUST LAUGHTER.)

Shelby: Ah...bastard, I hate this part.

Albel: Really, really, okay? Focus.

Shelby: I have to fight my skirted self, God, I hate this game.

Albel: Riku wears a skirt, hahahahahaha.

Nel: Like you?

Albel: ...whore...

Nel: Slut.

Albel: Bitchslut whoretramp.

Shelby: No-no-no-no, they made a copy and he's wearing a skirt!

Albel: Shelby is on the crack.

Nel: (MORE LAUGHTER.) I said totally. (LAUGHTER!)

Shelby: Argh, you're such a bastard, I hate you. Oh crap, I'm gonna die, gonna die. SHIT!

Nel: Good riddance.

Shelby: WHICH ONE IS ME! NOOOOOOO! You don't understand! STOP WRITING. When Riku gets angry he goes into dark skirt boy mode and I'm fighting dark skirt boy Riku and I don't know which one is me, I'm almost dead, OH, which one am I? Oh, I'm the dead one. God, I'm starting over, bastard. What is she typing? WHAT IS SHE TYPING. She's playing the piano now?

Albel: ...LOL

Nel: (has nothing to add really, just more laughing...always the laughing...)

Shelby: (going ape shit over a little video game...)

Real Story, starting now.

EVERYTHING ELSE (By Commie Sky)

Albel and Nel sat there watching Shelby go insane and sipping their tea. It was tea time for the Black Brigade Theatrical Troop and everyone at the Kirlsa Training Facility was quietly enjoying a nice cuppa and some scones. Everyone, that is, except Shelby.

Earlier that day he had been sent to go shopping in Kirlsa, and when he came back it was not with food, make up, hygienic products, and other important supplies, but with a strange little box that said "Game boy Advance". Shelby said he had found it on the way to Kirlsa, and had sat down in the middle of the hills with it, trying to figure out what it was. Then it started to rain, so he came back. He had completely forgotten about Operation Shopping Spree (there were MEGA SALES in Kirlsa that day!) And they had to send The Man Who Plays Kim in his stead. The Man Who Plays Kim was very sad. He didn't want to go out in the rain, he was afraid he'd melt. The Man Who Plays Kim thought Shelby should have his game taken away and be forced to go back out.

They tried that, Shelby just curled up into the fetal position and wept until they gave it back to him. Albel kicked The Man Who Plays Kim in the spleen and told him he had to go.

That was three hours ago, right before lunch time. And now it was tea time. Which was very lucky for the Man Who Plays Kim (or maybe he planned it that way? DUN DUN DUN!)

Nel recovered from her out of character laughing fits just in time for Shelby's shrieks to be broken by the sound of the front door slamming shut. Albel jumped at the sudden sound, spilling scalding hot Darjeeling all over his lap.

"AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" he screamed, and he ran out of the room, probably to change his skirt. Hopefully. Or, maybe he just felt like it.

Anyhow, The man Who Plays Kim dropped his burden of bags and boxes and slumped against the wall, shivering out of cold and fear.

"What's wrong with you, maggot? It's tea time." Albel asked him, wearing a clean skirt and sitting down to pour himself some more tea.

"I- I- I'm d-done sh -sh-shopping, s-s-sir Albel." The Man Who Plays Kim stammered.

"That's nice." Albel said, not caring, as he stirred his tea.

"But," The Man Who Plays Kim said, gaining a little bit of courage. "I couldn't find everything and-" he looked cautiously to Albel before continuing. The Captain of the Black Brigade was calmly taking a sip of tea. The Man Who Plays Kim continued, "And I kinda went a little over budget."

"WHAT?" Albel stood and angrily hurled his cup of tea at The Man Who Plays Kim. It shattered against the wall, just shy of his face. The Man Who Played Kim started weeping, he was in for it now.

"This is _not_ darjeeling!" Albel screamed at Nel.

"I didn't say it was," she retorted.

"Shut up, woman! Why isn't it Darjeeling?" he demanded.

Nel quietly took another sip of her tea. Ignoring him.

"Answer me!"

"You just told me to shut up."

"Since when do you do what I say?"

Nel shrugged. "I prefer Earl Grey."

"Is that what this swill is?"

Nel said something, but it was drowned out by Shelby screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT AGAIN!"

All eyes turned to him, after a moment he resumed frantically pressing the tiny buttons and making strange faces, now with even more determination and anger than before.

"Where was I?" Albel asked Nel.

"About to make yourself another pot of freakin' Darjeeling," She lied.

" . . . right."

"Umm . . . Sir?" The Man Who Plays Kim asked softly.

Albel turned suddenly to face the cowed soldier, "What?"

"Are you mad about the shopping?"

"Huh?" Albel apparently had forgotten about all that. "Oh, no. It's tea time, I can't be mad about shopping now."

"Here," Nel said to The Man Who Plays Kim, "Have some tea." She handed him a cup and saucer. "There's scones, too."

"Oo! Any marmalade ones?" Asked The Man Who Plays Kim.

"No," said Nel, "Those are all gone. You could put marmalade on plain scone, though."

"Oh, okay, I guess I'll do that." The Man Who Plays Kim seemed disappointed.

After a little while, as they were finishing their tea, The Man Who Plays Kim asked, "So . . . What are we going to do about Shelby?"

"Good question, maggot," said Albel.


	2. Chapter 2: A Picnic

The next day was the third saturday of the month. That meant it was picnic day for the Black Brigade Theatrical Troupe. Nel decided to go along, too, because there was nothing else to do. Besides, it was a nice day.

Albel skipped moodily up a likely hill. Nel followed along, quietly enjoying the beautiful scenery of the Palmira Plains. The Man Who Plays Kim was given the responsibility of being Shelby's babysitter. He wept for hours when he was assigned this task and now was grumpily dragging Shelby on his leash. One of those funny leashes people use for their kids at the zoo so they don't run off. Not a dog leash or anything like that, sickos!

The nameless brigadeer thespians trudged along bearing the wait of the various picnicing supplies they had been carying since dawn. It was along way to Palmira from Kirlsa and Albel had insisted they all get up early that morning to go.

As Albel crested the hill he froze.

He pointed ahead of him and shrieked "VOX!"

Vox, still unseen by the rest of the Troupe, was heard shrieking in reply, "NOX!"

Shelby screamed, "BOX!"

Everyone turned to stare at him, then realized he was refering to something in his video game.

Nel came up behind Albel and cooly regarded the Black Brigade captain and the captain of the Dragon Brigade.

Albel stood in a comical pose, pointing at Vox. His eye kept twitching.

Vox was running in circles with his hands in the air screaming.

Schweimer stood by helplessly, attempting to calm his boss to no apparent avail.

"Sir Vox," he said, "we can find another hill. This isn't even the best one in the area. There are many good picnicing hills."

The poor man started to panic. Vox had been looking forward to this picnic for weeks. He would be upset for WEEKS maybe even MONTHS if it was completely ruined.

Nel shook her head and turned. There was an even nicer hill just a few over. about half of it was in the sun, half in a cool, dappled shade. No weeds. No ant hills.

She led the Black Brigade over there.

"Okay, iced tea goes over there, where it will stay cool. The lemonade, too. Spread out the blankets so that half of them are in the shade and the other half are in the sun. Put down that table and spread out the sandwich fixings so that the plates and things are on one end, then the bread, then the cheese-"

"OOOWAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEboohoohoohoooooo!" The Man Who Plays Kim's cry rang throughout the hills.

Nel turned to see what was wrong this time.

Huge Shelby the Heavy Handed was sitting on the poor guy, pounding the buttons of his little Gameboy Advanced in a vicious attack.

Nel was over there in a flash.

"What happened?" she asked the sobbing The Man Who Plays Kim.

"I-I-I t-t sob tried t' m-m-mmmo-ove sob him an' he got sob mad an' h-h-heheehe sat on MEE!" The Man Who Plays Kim resumed his bawling.

Nel was at a loss. She thought The Man Who Played Kim, if anyone, should enjoy the picnic but she was kind of afraid to touch Shelby, and could think of no other way to remove him from The Man Who Plays Kim's back.

She sat on a log, tapping her head, trying to think.

"think

think

think

think"

she muttered to herself.

The Man Who Plays Kim stopped crying for a moment. He was reminded of a stuffed yellow bear for some reason. Then he forgot about the bear and started crying again.

Vox's screams suddenly got louder. (An irritated Schweimer had suggested they join the Black Brigade's picnic).

Between Shelby screaming nonsense at his toy, The Man Who Plays Kim wailing about being sat on, and Duke Vox's shrieks of frustration, Nel couldn't think or have an even mildly enjoyable picnic.

At least not here.

So she absconed with the Red Zinger iced tea, a loaf of pumpernickle, a tomato, a head of lettuce, the brown mustaqrd, the roast beef, a bag of chips, and the entire watermelon.

No one noticed.

Except Albel.

Red Zinger was his favorite iced tea, his second favorite tea overall.

And he had been looking forward to that watermelon.

"Get back here, wench!" He shouted as he ran after her.

"No way, slut!"

"Whore!"

"Tramp!"

"Harlot!"

"Tranny!"

"Sloe-eyed Hag!"

He chased her all the way into Duggus Forest where she sat high in a tree, fixing her sandwich and enjoying her meal.

As soon as Albel left, Vox calmed down and decided to join the Black Brigade's picnic, afterall.

Shelby lost his boss battle (which was why he suddenly refused to be moved) and rolled off of The Man Who Plays Kim.

In the end, the only one unhappy was Albel.

And no progress was even attempted to take the GBA from Shelby.


End file.
